Can You Fly This Plane?

Well, this is embarrassing. It's been 3 whole months since I last posted anything and surely, that's completely unacceptable. But I have been busy as I've been committed to developing a spin-off of croquet that uses tennis balls and over-sized forks. Stick with me, I'll get my swerve back.

Boogie And Swerve

BACK DROP BOMB | Myspace Music Videos

Me Likes The Foosball

Well, I'd like to welcome back college football for 2010. I look forward to my Iowa Hawkeyes shaving at least a few years off of my life this fall. And I fear how often I'll be forced to watch Lou Holtz try to consume his own cheeks while spitting commentary (literally). Let's keep the laces out, boys and girls.

So I Dub Thee...

I actually intended to write (or is it type?) much more about this as I think the physical freak received some unwarranted (IMO) coverage for abandoning Cleveland. I guess this will have to do...

I Wish I Knew How To Quit You

Well, Michael Jordan did it 3 times. Evander Holyfield hasn't really done it yet because he's still trying to make enough money to support all 37 of his children (but then, boxers are the worst at it of all). When Brett Favre didn't announce his retirement yesterday, this was the only reaction I had.

 










Franks and beans!

Duplicate Strabismus

Apparently, there are no good ideas left in Hollywood. While at a movie today, I saw a preview for a Smurfs film. This, on the heels of finding out that the Karate Kid has been re-made. Hawaii Five-O and The A-Team also have been "updated" and I figure we have to be just a few short months away from this being re-done with the cast from Twilight (which will force me to light myself on fire).

Or, I will just end up cross-eyed and blind thanks to the concerted effort to make everything on a screen appear in 3-D. Honestly, why in the world would I want to come home and put glasses on so I can watch TV in my own house? Ridiculous.

Hey, look at the guy in the sombrero!

The Shrieking

When did the NBA start borrowing from women's tennis? Over and over again during the 2010 Finals, I hear very large men yelping any time a little contact is made. We have flopping and flailing and Rasheed Wallace always just a moment away from this. (Of course, NBA officiating is basically always terrible.)

The NBA...where annoying happens.

Mock...YEAH!...ing...YEAH!...

Jump, Jump (Well...Maybe Not)

If case you hadn't heard, Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim of Orange County of California of USA of Earth first baseman Kendry Morales broke his leg while celebrating his game-winning home run on Saturday. It reminded me of former Arizona Cardinals kicker Bill Gramatica's celebration fail in 2001 when he made a field goal, leapt into the air with joy, and tore his ACL when landing on the ground awkwardly.

I knew it was a matter of time before somebody got badly hurt when celebrating. In fact, I always thought this method of celebrating was completely idiotic and figured we were always a day away from someone exploding all of their knee ligaments because they were completely geeked that they just made a layup. For me, the "jump" celebration makes about as much sense as this. But I suppose some times...

Smells Like Teen Spirit

Someone I know recently suggested that I watch MTV, because at three o'clock in the morning, they play videos. The thing is, they used to ALWAYS do that. It was not some great surprise to see this, or this. Nowadays, the channel has nearly nothing to do with music (except, apparently, when most people are cashed out in bed). The transformation of MTV from what it was to what it has become would be similar to the Food Network abandoning food shows and devoting all of its programming to the day-to-day lives of elementary school children in Yemen. Some how, MTV has become a teeny-bopper wasteland of sweet sixteen divas and TV face-time wannabes who would likely be just as famous (and make their parents just as proud) if they went into porn. But then, on VH1, you can kinda do both.

You play your guitar on the MTV...

Jazz Hands In Traffic

Why do people who are talking to someone on the phone use their hands? Ya know, hand gestures as if they were in front of the person? I was sitting at a red light the other day and this guy behind me looks like he's trying to fight off a swarm of bees while talking on his cell phone. This is the kind of behavior that frightens people. The person you're talking to can't see you, okay?

I'm talkin' on the phone!

Probably Not What Bob Geldof Had In Mind

Cleveland clearly does not care about world hunger.

Aioli On Focaccia

I find trends interesting. In fact, I read a whole book about them. Though, the trends I keep noticing aren’t quite the same as those studied by Mr. Gladwell. For example, it used to be that you could get mayonnaise on a sandwich. Now, it’s pesto mayo, sun-dried tomato mayo, chipotle mayo and mayo with no fat (which I figure can’t technically still be mayo at that point).

Speaking of chipotle, has any other smoked pepper ever received so much attention? You can get just about anything with a little chipotle in it, on it, or with it. Not that I mind…I happen to really like chipotle and its various varieties. Smoky heat is where it’s at.

Like a real nice tasty smoky salsa which, of course, used to be just tomatoes, onions and peppers; but is now laced with corn, black beans, raspberries, mangoes, honey, habaneros, limes, poblanos, and organic roasted garlic. Pace would probably like somebody to get a rope.

Many restaurants like to put salsa on their hamburgers; it used to be ketchup/catsup. Wait, sorry…I forgot to say Angus hamburger because we must now apparently give some sort of description of the type of cow from which our patty came from.

At any rate, it’s likely I’ll have to put my slab of ground heifer on a ciabatta roll because hamburger buns are just too plain these days. How dare your meat transport vehicle be anything other than some form of barely pronounceable artisan whole grain gluten-free bread?

Unless it’s a wrap…which at some point used to be called a tortilla. I’ve heard the chipotle wrap is pretty good.

Who you callin' heifer?

Under Construction

I'll be getting my blog on soon...I promise.